What would happen if you got rid of all the negative people in your life? The complainers, whiners, and manipulators. The abusers.
If you stopped associating with all those people who bring you grief, who would be left? What percentage of your life consists of negativity?
We know, intellectually, that negative people bring us down, but even so, we live, work, sleep and eat with them. We do our best to ignore them, to appease them, to understand them, but by the end of the day, we are tired of their drama.
People living in trauma have a high threshold for acceptance. Even though they see the bad, they ignore it and love the potential of the person. Justifying their actions, “he’s had a bad past,” “he doesn’t mean to,” “he’s just having a bad day,” only allows that person to continue to mistreat you.
No matter how confined we are to our past, as adults, we have the POWER to stop justifying negativity.
His “bad past,” “bad day,” or lack of intent is not your problem. There is no reason to make excuses for the person that is mistreating you. It is his/her responsibility to contain their “badness” and not take it out on others.
You have enough on your plate without forcing yourself to participate in someone else’s bad day. Yes, forcing yourself. Victims of violence are falsely taught to overlook things no one should overlook.
You do not have to accept negativity. You are not required to live with negativity. There is no universal law that says it is okay to be treated badly. Quite the opposite. Thou shall not kill. Love your neighbor.
The caveat is “as you love yourself.”
If you do not love yourself, you will most likely not love your neighbor – or anyone else.
You cannot control other people, and you can magnanimously love yourself, but if your neighbor is a jerk and hates everyone, his outlook is not a reflection on you. Draw a limit to your tolerance when the other party does not take responsibility for their actions.
Negativity surrounds us. Mass murders abound in our society. Angry people everywhere. People are unable to cope, and they take out their frustrations however they can.
We are out of control as a society because we as individuals have lost our self-control. Caught up in our busy lives, we lose connection with the people who are physically present. And without realizing it, before we know it, we become completely disconnected from the people that matter the most.
This is especially true if you are living in trauma and are surrounded by negativity.
It is not just your negative thoughts, but your tolerance for negativity and abuse, that dictate your living condition. There is something that keeps you where” you are. What is it?
For people who have lived in trauma for a long time, there is a neurological reason for this. Chronic trauma shuts down the body’s defense mechanisms, and even as you realize it is not healthy to be where you are, you are in a functional freeze. You reach out for help, but at the same time reject any help offered. There is a reason you cannot leave your situation, and those reasons are always more important than your own mental health and sanity.
At first, the negativity is bearable. Acceptance is a part of a harmonious existence, and the young, naïve person accepts this negativity as a part of life.
“People fight. Relationships have problems.”
Yes, they do. But after a while, that occasional fight permeates the relationship, and if people were not negative before, they are now!
We become negative without realizing it. Surrounded by people that find fault in everything around them (including you) eventually you absorb those vibes through osmosis. Negative thoughts permeate your tissues and organs, and invade your cells and the finite workings of your body, mind, and soul.
Examine your thoughts and actions.
If you find unhappiness and anger, if your conversations run toward drama, you are in a negative state of mind. It is not always feasible or practical to pack your bags and leave the house – of which you are a significant part of – or we would all be living a positive life. It is not always possible to tell your boss to go eat rocks as you walk out the door for the last time. Your partner has good traits, too, so what do you do?
You will never find perfection. People have flaws. Your job is to surround yourself with people that complement you, who are more positive than negative. But when you are in a situation where you cannot change the negative atmosphere, until you are able to make personal changes, rise above.
Rise above, look at the situation from a point above. This is difficult to do when someone is pounding you on the top of the head and telling you what a failure you are. It takes great strength of character to understand that their meanness has nothing to do with you; you are just the receptacle of their anger.
Healing means looking at life from another point of view.
Reframing your thoughts to something tolerable for your life. People do it all the time. People find themselves in the most unsatisfactory situations where they had nothing to do with how they got there. Life happens.
As you move out of your victim mode, some people in your past will no longer appeal to you. Let them go. Their bad attitude is pulling you down, and you want to move forward, not backward.